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Struggling with Infertility: Guilt
This sucks.
Just a quick recap: This is my sixth post in what has become a series about this topic. The first was about my initial struggles of dealing with infertility, and then I went into detail about starting IVF and the egg retrieval process, the IVF transfers and how it felt, a post about grieving, and finally, the aftermath of 3 rounds of IVF and where I was at that moment.
This one is less about the topic of IVF and infertility itself and more about my current feelings about moving forward with more.
I’ve spoken about the emotional rollercoaster that is fertility treatments — if you’re on that particular ride right now, I truly, deeply understand and commiserate. And about the feeling of grief, feeling defective and broken, the anger and sadness.
I want to go into something else today: Guilt.
Guilt for…trying again?
When we originally started the IVF process in November of 2018, we got 3 good embryos. Husband and I talked about it endlessly and decided that if these 3 didn’t work then we would have to be done.
We’d still have a beautiful and fulfilling life together. But the $33,000 and all the time, emotions, energy, and everything — we wouldn’t do it again.
