Making New Friends as an Adult

I still don’t feel like an adult sometimes. As a work from home full-time writer, I am often still in my pajamas at lunchtime, don’t shower until afternoon, and eat snacks instead of meals.

The biggest difficulty for me has been that I have become much more of a homebody. Without a regular job, I am no longer forced to get up, get dressed, get on the train, go work in the city, and socialize with other humans all day.

And while I love my life, I am finding myself more and more isolated.

I moved to New York City at 23 years old. I didn’t know anyone and was just going to wing it. I got a (terrible and short-lived) job from back home in Florida and then packed a truck and headed to the big city.

It was hard.

I had a bad job that had super high turnover and no money, so even if I had made a friend there, they would have been gone. 8 weeks later, so was I.

Being unemployed for 6 weeks, I didn’t really meet people.

Then I got a new and stable position! The people I worked with were very nice, but all older than me and at a different point in their lives. We were work-friends, not friend-friends.

This continued. I met people at the gym, in my neighborhood, at the deli, the bar, at work. They all were very friendly, but were acquaintances.

I took to the internet! I went on meetup.com and joined a Karaoke Lovers group and went to their next open meetup. It was there that I learned that in NYC, karaoke is done in private rooms as opposed to just the open bar. There were 17 people all staring at me when I walked in. They were polite, but confused. It turned out they had all been friends for a while and I was very out of place!

Then, I tried dating. I had gone on a couple of dates since moving, but nothing serious. I used an online dating app, and actually met and started dating my now-husband about six months after I moved to NYC.

Which is awesome! Fast forward almost 7 years and we are married, happy, cat owners with a penchant for coffee and action movies.

But once I got busy dating, I stopped really looking for new friends. His friends adopted me into their circle! I wanted to spend time with him and with them, and it was so fun!

Here I am, 31 years old, and looking for friends. It is difficult to find brand new close friends as an adult. I find that it is easy to make new acquaintances and hard to make friends.

I am also a bit too isolated because I work from home, so I now starting over. I have re-joined meetup.com and am actively looking for a book club, a networking group of entrepreneurs, or just people who love board games to hang out with!

I’ve been looking for a volunteer opportunity near my home, and have even started thinking about taking exercise classes instead of just going to the gym alone.

Slowly, but surely, I am leaving the house and putting myself out there!

Fingers crossed! And if you have any other ideas on how I can make friends, let me know!

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Entrepreneur, writer, editor, book coach, cat lover, weirdo, optimist. Author of “Write. Get Paid. Repeat.” & “Concept to Conclusion.” jyssicaschwartz.com

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