LinkedIn & FB Business Pages Are Not Dating Apps!

I’ve spoken with every other woman in the entire world (we have a group chat) and we all agree it’s gross and we don’t want to see your penis.

This is for both the men AND women (I assume there are women scammers or idiots, too) who need to be told:

Stop messaging people through LinkedIn or Facebook business pages for romantic purposes!

It’s not cute or funny. It’s not charming or adorable or ‘different’ or quirky.

It’s annoying.

On top of that, Facebook clearly shows me as married, yet I get random (creepy) men who message me asking about where I’m from (clearly listed), what I do (clearly listed), and telling me about their sad marriages, children, or how they just want to “make friends with pretty girls.”

For a while, I thought it was funny — something to post about on Twitter and laugh about.

But the more it happens, the more frustrated and even angry I get.

Why do these men think it is appropriate to message me through a business-only platform to talk about their genitals or proposition me?

I don’t need a lonely man 3000 miles away to be my new “friend.”

Am I really supposed to believe you “never do this”?

And because Facebook tracks if you respond to business messages and how long it takes to respond, I’m forced to respond to them. I always respond with hard “no” and “I’m married and not interested.”

And anyone can request to connect with you on LinkedIn without revealing their intentions, so how am I supposed to know they are creepy before accepting their invitation?

The last thing I want is to come off like I’m flirty — but this is also a business page and could potentially be public information, so I also have to be relatively polite.

What do they think will happen?

Man: “Hey, I never do this but your picture is so pretty. I’m a lonely divorced veteran in Africa with a 9-year-old daughter. How are you?” (But with far worse grammar and punctuation.)

Me: “OMG. You noticed me! I am beautiful! You have validated me sincerely with your compliments, totally real picture of you in a vaguely military-style uniform, and I bet your sweet daughter needs a mom!”

Man: “Want to get married and ride off in the sunset?”

Me: “Yes, my love! Also, here is my debit card PIN and banking information so you can book immediate passage across the vast ocean to unite with me! I am setting up our marital home now!”

[And scene.]

No. Gross.

Do you know what it is when strangers message you vaguely sexual things on a professional platform?

Creepy.

And what about when they don’t stop?

Harassment.

Gross.

Demeaning.

Just because I am a woman online, I am not inviting strange men to personally proposition me.

None of us are.

Download Tinder like the rest of the world and look for a woman who actually is interested in dating.

I want to believe it’s never worked and these creepy strangers are wasting their time, but if they didn’t ever get anything out of it, they probably wouldn’t bother. (Unless they are bots, which means someone actually had to make and launch a program to harass women internationally. Also gross.)

Just stop.

Business is business. Even if I were single and looking, that would be the absolute LAST thing that would ever work.

Finally, let’s talk about d*ck pics.

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.

Listen, I’ve spoken with every other woman in the entire world (we have a group chat) and we all agree it’s gross and we don’t want to see your penis.

No one wants to see an unsolicited picture of your gross genitals.

You know who thinks that part of you is sexy? Not a stranger, that’s for damn sure. Maybe no one, I don’t know your situation. D*icks in general, stranger d*cks, are gross. Not attractive.

No woman has EVER received an unsolicited d*ck pic and thought “How lovely! I bet this man is a complete gentleman and his penis is so perfect, I must meet him and marry him and carry his children!”

It’s disgusting. Stop it immediately.

Every time I have ever received a random stranger’s pic of their genitals, I assume they are super insecure, inappropriate, do not understand the bounds of polite society, and are so desperate that they have to solicit reactions from strangers because all the people who know them in real life are sick of their shit.

That is my assumption.

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Entrepreneur, writer, editor, book coach, cat lover, weirdo, optimist. Author of “Write. Get Paid. Repeat.” & “Concept to Conclusion.” jyssicaschwartz.com

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