Confidence Is Not The Same As Arrogance

Credit: Feminista Jones

You are allowed to be confident. I am encouraging you to be confident as hell. Here is your permission to be a confident, happy, high self-esteem woman.

Yes, there is a line between confidence and cockiness, or arrogance, and yes, it can be easy to step over that line sometimes.

Confidence is loving yourself and appreciating yourself. I am confident in my writing abilities and also proud of them. I know they are good, and they’re something I use to my advantage, as well as are of value to others. I’m SO confident in these abilities that I have started and grown a full-time writing and editing business.

When talking to a prospective client about working together, I don’t really talk about my writing abilities, because I already know they are good enough for them. The person would not have contacted me or been referred to me otherwise. The calls are about how we would work together, prices, and deadlines.

I am very confident I am easy to work with and responsive. I am confident I can fulfill their needs.

I am also confident in myself on a personal level and I genuinely like who I am.

Some may see this as arrogance. I happen to see it as believing in myself and being happy with myself. My confidence is what allows me to be a successful entrepreneur.

Not everyone seems to appreciate a confident woman. But who needs those “nice guys” anyway?

Here are a couple of articles about men who get angry when a woman agrees with their compliments.


Man: Your body is great.

Woman: I know, I love it!

Man: It’s not that great, damn.

And the man seems to get angry for some reason? Like he was hoping she would fawn all over him and drop her pants because he complimented her?

Why is it an insult to other people’s egos when we are happy with ourselves and recognize the good things (and hopefully are also self-aware enough to recognize the negatives!)?

This feels akin to the “friendzone.” In case you’ve been living under a rock, the friendzone is an imaginary place where men feel they deserve to get sex from every woman he is nice to or compliments, but she only wants to be friends with him.

Because for some ridiculous reason women have bodily autonomy and are allowed to exist for more than just a man’s pleasure, and are allowed to choose who they want to see them naked.

How about we all be a little nicer to one another?


Women: You are allowed, nay, ENCOURAGED to love yourself and to be confident in yourself. You are also HIGHLY encouraged to find a man who compliments you without expectations, simply because he agrees with you about how awesome you are.

Also, it’s fine to agree, but it’s also polite to thank a person who compliments you.

Men: Don’t have strings attached to your compliments. If you are only being nice because you hope to have sex with someone, that is super crappy and you should reexamine why people don’t want to have sex with you when you’re being yourself. And you should really think about whether you’re a “nice guy,” or if you are using niceness as a tool for manipulating people.

Compliments are like gifts: You don’t get to choose what the receiver does with them.

Entrepreneur, writer, editor, book coach, cat lover, weirdo, optimist. Author of “Write. Get Paid. Repeat.” & “Concept to Conclusion.”

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